Why I Hate the Montreal Canadiens and Their Fans

As far as I am concerned there are two types of people in this world; Leaf fans and Habs fans. I am proud to say that I have been a Leafs fan my entire life even though I don’t have much to show for it; other than a Doug Gilmour autograph and a copy of “The Passion Returns”, a documentary that follows the Leafs for a season in the early 1990’s.

Despite being 25 years old I have never legally had a beer while watching a Leafs playoff game – and it’s not because I am not a big drinker. But this isn’t about the Maple Leafs team and their fans; it’s about Montreal and their devoted – and partly insane – following.

If you’re a Habs fan and reading this you’re probably thinking to yourself “Montreal has won more Stanley Cups than any other team. The Leafs haven’t won since 1967”. Saying that the Leafs are perennial losers is like calling the kettle black. I get it, the Leafs haven’t won the Stanley Cup in 43 years. But you know what; the last time Montreal won the cup was in 1993. For those of you who aren’t math majors, that was 17 years ago. 17 years ago we were amazed by the special effects of Jurassic Park, and the Blue Jays were in the midst of winning their second of back to back championships.  So get off your high horse Habs fans and realize that the Canadiens haven’t done anything worthwhile since Miley Cyrus was still in diapers.

Specific Habs players bother me just as much as their fans do.  Arguably their best player, Tomas Plekanec, wears a turtle neck under his jersey.  Tomas, wake up and look in the mirror. An NHL player wearing a turtle neck is comparable to a beer league hockey player wearing a neck guard, slash guards, and a cage with an attached mouth guard. If you want to play like a champion at least try and look the part.

Lastly, the biggest reason I hate the Canadiens is the way they treated their former coach, Guy Carbonneau. He had a very solid coaching record during his tenure in Montreal yet the team decided to ungracefully let him go. The way I look at it, unless you are on the Atkins diet you don’t cut Carbs!

Carbonneau had his team playing 11 games over .500 in his last year behind the bench which apparently wasn’t good enough for le bleu, blanc et rouge. Carbs had the balls to bench Alex Kovalev when he wasn’t producing, a move that came with no shortage of criticism. Yet when Kovalev came back and went on a torrid scoring pace, little credit was paid to the coach. While there is likely more to his firing than the public knows, there is no doubt in my mind that he is a capable coach and a heck of a Guy (or is it guy?).

I expect to hear the usual from the Habs fans that read this and it does not bother me at all. I am well aware the Leafs haven’t won the Cup or even made the playoffs in years. I know that their first line centre is a rookie and that they traded away their next two, first-round draft choices. So do me a favor and don’t even mention it. Instead, take some time to think about your own team of losers. Perhaps you will seek comfort in knowing your team will make the playoffs this year but I can guarantee you that they don’t win the cup. In the end, it means the Leafs and Habs will be tied once again this year because in the words of Ricky Bobby, “If you’re not first, you’re last”.

For OpenIceHockey, I’m Mike Zelek….keep your stick on the ice